My Will for HIS
One of my dear friends from my mission sent me this letter during one of the hardest parts of it. I'll be honest, I was upset with the Lord and not by any means being humble. I was in the middle of nowhere in a state that most people don't even know where it is on the US map...let alone the tiny town of nothingness that I was living in. The only thing that my companion and I had in common was that we were both called to Nebraska on our missions. Seriously. Though missions are supposed to be like a little piece of heaven--I thought that my time with her couldn't be anything less than hell. I felt SO alone. The closest sisters were about 2 hours away, my mission president was 3-4 hours away, and God felt so so so very far away.
I received this letter in the mail from one of my best and dearest past companions, Sister Dumont. (She was my STL at the time, and that was the only string of hope I had left to not wanting to just throw in the towel.) Honestly, I don't know who actually wrote this letter or how it had gotten passed around. It was actually written on January 10, 2012, but apparently quite a few sisters had needed it as well, because others names were crossed out, and there stood mine, bigger and bolder than all the rest.
In her kind and loving manner, Sister Dumont was reminding me that it was time for a change. To seek the good and step up my game. I'll be honest, I had been feeling that tug. Everything in my mission up to that point had been pushing me towards truly submitting my will to the Lord--essentially giving Him my whole heart. Heavenly Father has always been so patient with me...line upon line...here a little, there a little...because He knows that I stress out easy and can't just jump into the swimming pool. I've always been one to take it one step at a time. However, it was truly time to take that next step, and give over all that I had been holding on to. I didn't want to let go of my pride, or my ways of thinking. Like who am I to tell God what to do?--but I wanted to.
I wanted to tell Him that my companion was awful. That this was not a trial, but a never ending war zone. BUT, after reading this letter, I got down on my knees and begged for help. I told the Lord I was ready, that I was truly terrified to give up my will and desires, but that I would do it for Him. And I can testify that it was SO hard at first....but the more I prayed and had His will at the forefront of my mind, the more happiness creeped into my soul. Nothing in my situation had changed, but I had changed. I realized that I was repenting the moment I had sinned because I craved for the Holy Ghost to be with me if no one else was. I served her in the oddest ways I had ever done before--but she loved them and I know for a fact that I didn't come up with those on my own.
I slowed down my pace when walking because she liked to walk slow and enjoy the beauty around her. (If you really know me, you know that slow walkers are one of my biggest pet peeves. However, through this, I learned to really notice and appreciate all of God's beautiful gifts on this Earth. I also learned that we shouldn't be running against the clock every second of every day, but to just simply slow down and enjoy the little things.) We stopped to talk to animals, mostly squirrels. We did our exercises inside instead of going running--until we finally learned to compromise and rotate on exercise ideas. I made her a pie. I listened to her Greek mythology analogies that never made any sense to me. I waxed her armpits for her--and yes you read that right. I never talked to her in the car or asked her 'get to know you questions' because those were her pet peeves. (Again, if you know me, that was like death not talking in a car...for hours at a time.) Each night as I said my nightly prayer, I would write down 5 *new* things that I loved about this sister--which sometimes took about 10 minutes to do...but this helped me to SEEK out the good that she was doing each day, and allowed me to help her see that in herself.--and one reason why my mission president and the Lord thought that we should be together.
When our companionship first began, I felt like she was my personal dementor. I could be out on exchanges with a different sister and be so happy and feel alive, but the moment we were alone and together again, it was like all my energy was sucked out from me. I was sad and depressed. She was stressing me out so much that I started to have serious stomach pains. But as always, God is in the details of it all, and He made me better than I even thought was possible. I learned that happiness is a choice. I was choosing to despise all things with her, and if I wanted to be happy and love my mission, then I had to make that choice for myself. I slowly started to only THINK positive things--and when a negative thought creeped into my mind, I would push it out and pray for strength. Soon it became only speaking positive words. I figured that if I was a representative of Christ, then I should speak like one as well. I started playing this game called "How Long Can I Be Positive For?". I would see how long I could last of not saying or thinking a negative thing, and when I did, I would see how long I lasted, and then try to to beat that time. This soon became a lifestyle and I noticed that people started to make fun of me for being so happy and asked what my secret was to loving life. My answer was always Christ. He was helping me to choose happiness. *Now remember, I was still companions with this sister, but just like in Alma 19:33, my desires had changed.*
By the time our companionship was being separated, I actually had grown to love this dear sister more than almost any of my other companions. I think I even cried as I drove away. Though she doesn't know it, I learned the most from our time together than anyone else. I learned about myself and the Gospel on a deeper level. My testimony of the Savior's Atonement bloomed and flourished. I look on those 12 weeks as blessings in disguise. We still keep in contact and whenever I'm in AZ, we meet up for lunch and catch up. I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say that I love her, and all the little things that make her--her.
Below is the letter that helped me get my feet moving. Feel free to print it out, scratch out my name, and put yours in there instead. It's been a little over 2 years that I've been home from my mission, and giving up my will to the Lord is still hard. When it's time, I feel that gentle pull to step up my game, and read this letter. I still cry to my Heavenly Father, saying that this is so hard and ask what's wrong with being a prideful brat...but I know that He knows what is best for me. Giving up our will is honestly one of the most beautiful things that we can do in this life, because when we are on the Lord's team, we cannot fail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25 June 2014
Oh Sister Case!
How are you doing? :) Have I told you lately that I love?
I've been thinking about miracles a lot lately. Miracles still exist! It's just us lacking faith for the most part. We can't just have faith that miracles still occur. We can't just have faith that we're worthy of miracles. We have to have faith that miracles can happen to us!! And occur in our lives! The Gospel is a personal and intimate thing, and we have to always remind ourselves that they can happen to us, and not just to everyone else.
Sister Case, you are a representative of Jesus Christ, meaning, you are serving as a type or example of Him. I testify that you have one of the most divine callings. You have been called by your God to represent Him. He wants you to represent Him! Great power comes with that. Weak things will become strong things. He will qualify you as you turn your heart to Him, and give it to Him.
Carly, your pure heart was already turned towards the Lord. I KNOW that! But He needs you to give Him your heart. It will not be easy by any means. He's going to mold you as the Spirit engraves His name in you heart. But put your heart on the altar and leave it there. To mold requires putting pressure against something to shape it or form it to something of your liking. To engrave means to put pressure against and chip away unwanted parts. Carly, it's going to hurt sometimes as the Lord molds you. You will feel the pressure and added weight in different situations; you will feel parts of you chip away as the Spirit engraves things of eternal nature upon you soul. You will want to pull your heart off that alter. Leave it there! Oh goodness girl, leave it there! You will come to the point of feeling jabs to your heart and you saying, "Lord! That hurt! I didn't sign up for that pain!" Carly, leave your heart on the altar and let your Savior finish what He was doing. Our countenances show how deeply engraved His name is in our hearts.
Sister Case, Heavenly Father will fill you with the strength as you pour out your soul to Him in mighty prayer. Notice the scriptures say a mighty change of heart and mighty prayer--not minor. Open your mouth, and let people know that you 'KNOW!!!' that we have a Savior. The Atonement is everything. Don't just serve a mission . . . Become a missionary!
I love you and I miss you!
Sister Dumont.
I received this letter in the mail from one of my best and dearest past companions, Sister Dumont. (She was my STL at the time, and that was the only string of hope I had left to not wanting to just throw in the towel.) Honestly, I don't know who actually wrote this letter or how it had gotten passed around. It was actually written on January 10, 2012, but apparently quite a few sisters had needed it as well, because others names were crossed out, and there stood mine, bigger and bolder than all the rest.
In her kind and loving manner, Sister Dumont was reminding me that it was time for a change. To seek the good and step up my game. I'll be honest, I had been feeling that tug. Everything in my mission up to that point had been pushing me towards truly submitting my will to the Lord--essentially giving Him my whole heart. Heavenly Father has always been so patient with me...line upon line...here a little, there a little...because He knows that I stress out easy and can't just jump into the swimming pool. I've always been one to take it one step at a time. However, it was truly time to take that next step, and give over all that I had been holding on to. I didn't want to let go of my pride, or my ways of thinking. Like who am I to tell God what to do?--but I wanted to.
I wanted to tell Him that my companion was awful. That this was not a trial, but a never ending war zone. BUT, after reading this letter, I got down on my knees and begged for help. I told the Lord I was ready, that I was truly terrified to give up my will and desires, but that I would do it for Him. And I can testify that it was SO hard at first....but the more I prayed and had His will at the forefront of my mind, the more happiness creeped into my soul. Nothing in my situation had changed, but I had changed. I realized that I was repenting the moment I had sinned because I craved for the Holy Ghost to be with me if no one else was. I served her in the oddest ways I had ever done before--but she loved them and I know for a fact that I didn't come up with those on my own.
I slowed down my pace when walking because she liked to walk slow and enjoy the beauty around her. (If you really know me, you know that slow walkers are one of my biggest pet peeves. However, through this, I learned to really notice and appreciate all of God's beautiful gifts on this Earth. I also learned that we shouldn't be running against the clock every second of every day, but to just simply slow down and enjoy the little things.) We stopped to talk to animals, mostly squirrels. We did our exercises inside instead of going running--until we finally learned to compromise and rotate on exercise ideas. I made her a pie. I listened to her Greek mythology analogies that never made any sense to me. I waxed her armpits for her--and yes you read that right. I never talked to her in the car or asked her 'get to know you questions' because those were her pet peeves. (Again, if you know me, that was like death not talking in a car...for hours at a time.) Each night as I said my nightly prayer, I would write down 5 *new* things that I loved about this sister--which sometimes took about 10 minutes to do...but this helped me to SEEK out the good that she was doing each day, and allowed me to help her see that in herself.--and one reason why my mission president and the Lord thought that we should be together.
When our companionship first began, I felt like she was my personal dementor. I could be out on exchanges with a different sister and be so happy and feel alive, but the moment we were alone and together again, it was like all my energy was sucked out from me. I was sad and depressed. She was stressing me out so much that I started to have serious stomach pains. But as always, God is in the details of it all, and He made me better than I even thought was possible. I learned that happiness is a choice. I was choosing to despise all things with her, and if I wanted to be happy and love my mission, then I had to make that choice for myself. I slowly started to only THINK positive things--and when a negative thought creeped into my mind, I would push it out and pray for strength. Soon it became only speaking positive words. I figured that if I was a representative of Christ, then I should speak like one as well. I started playing this game called "How Long Can I Be Positive For?". I would see how long I could last of not saying or thinking a negative thing, and when I did, I would see how long I lasted, and then try to to beat that time. This soon became a lifestyle and I noticed that people started to make fun of me for being so happy and asked what my secret was to loving life. My answer was always Christ. He was helping me to choose happiness. *Now remember, I was still companions with this sister, but just like in Alma 19:33, my desires had changed.*
"And it came to pass that when Ammon arose he also administered unto them, and also did all the servants of Lamoni; and they did all declare unto the people the selfsame thing—that their hearts had been changed; that they had no more desire to do evil."
By the time our companionship was being separated, I actually had grown to love this dear sister more than almost any of my other companions. I think I even cried as I drove away. Though she doesn't know it, I learned the most from our time together than anyone else. I learned about myself and the Gospel on a deeper level. My testimony of the Savior's Atonement bloomed and flourished. I look on those 12 weeks as blessings in disguise. We still keep in contact and whenever I'm in AZ, we meet up for lunch and catch up. I mean this from the bottom of my heart when I say that I love her, and all the little things that make her--her.
Below is the letter that helped me get my feet moving. Feel free to print it out, scratch out my name, and put yours in there instead. It's been a little over 2 years that I've been home from my mission, and giving up my will to the Lord is still hard. When it's time, I feel that gentle pull to step up my game, and read this letter. I still cry to my Heavenly Father, saying that this is so hard and ask what's wrong with being a prideful brat...but I know that He knows what is best for me. Giving up our will is honestly one of the most beautiful things that we can do in this life, because when we are on the Lord's team, we cannot fail.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25 June 2014
Oh Sister Case!
How are you doing? :) Have I told you lately that I love?
I've been thinking about miracles a lot lately. Miracles still exist! It's just us lacking faith for the most part. We can't just have faith that miracles still occur. We can't just have faith that we're worthy of miracles. We have to have faith that miracles can happen to us!! And occur in our lives! The Gospel is a personal and intimate thing, and we have to always remind ourselves that they can happen to us, and not just to everyone else.
Sister Case, you are a representative of Jesus Christ, meaning, you are serving as a type or example of Him. I testify that you have one of the most divine callings. You have been called by your God to represent Him. He wants you to represent Him! Great power comes with that. Weak things will become strong things. He will qualify you as you turn your heart to Him, and give it to Him.
Carly, your pure heart was already turned towards the Lord. I KNOW that! But He needs you to give Him your heart. It will not be easy by any means. He's going to mold you as the Spirit engraves His name in you heart. But put your heart on the altar and leave it there. To mold requires putting pressure against something to shape it or form it to something of your liking. To engrave means to put pressure against and chip away unwanted parts. Carly, it's going to hurt sometimes as the Lord molds you. You will feel the pressure and added weight in different situations; you will feel parts of you chip away as the Spirit engraves things of eternal nature upon you soul. You will want to pull your heart off that alter. Leave it there! Oh goodness girl, leave it there! You will come to the point of feeling jabs to your heart and you saying, "Lord! That hurt! I didn't sign up for that pain!" Carly, leave your heart on the altar and let your Savior finish what He was doing. Our countenances show how deeply engraved His name is in our hearts.
Sister Case, Heavenly Father will fill you with the strength as you pour out your soul to Him in mighty prayer. Notice the scriptures say a mighty change of heart and mighty prayer--not minor. Open your mouth, and let people know that you 'KNOW!!!' that we have a Savior. The Atonement is everything. Don't just serve a mission . . . Become a missionary!
I love you and I miss you!
Sister Dumont.
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